Sunday, 11 September 2016

Bill's Theory About Who Wrote Shakespeare

The other day, Bill started on about Shakespeare. Some book had come out recently questioning whether Shakespeare had written the plays or not. According to Bill the bloke who'd written the book was on the telly and had this posh accent which made him sound like "a fucking oboe." Predictably, Bill had something to say on the matter.
    "What's amazing is that these posh pricks simply cannot bear to think that their beloved fucking bard had a day job selling shit out of a van in Stratford. They're so pissed off with Shakespeare not being from the old boy's network they've even concocted all this spurious shit about how Shakespeare was really the pen name of somebody with far better breeding. Some real royalist bumlickers even say it was Queen Elizabeth. Get me a bucket Stanley. They say things like 'If Shakespeare wrote all those plays, why didn't Shakespeare mention his greatness to the plebs he was surrounded by ever?' Pretty obvious the way I see it. If I had a sideline writing poems and plays for a bunch of pretentious old dearies down in London, I'd keep pretty fucking schtum about it to my mates down the boozer. I'd never hear the fucking end of it. Some things never change, Stanley."

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